Its Not Them- Its You..

This is actually SO easy to do! 

Chances are you do it, but you’re probably not even aware of it. 

Let me clarify-  I don’t mean to make it sound like people have jerky behavior! Not at all.  

So don’t be offended because I’m about to be BOLD about this. 

It’s not them it’s You. 

Yep, it’s all about how you INTERPRET their behavior.  

And it is happening more than you know.  I know because this comes up all the time with my clients. 

WHY?
First – let’s start with Social Media and being bombarded with others actions. Yep – good old social media.  It’s not that I want you to be mad and cut off your social media! That’s your choice and likely not realistic. 

But I bring this up to help you have a healthier interpretation of what you see. 

Think about what you see (or think you see)  on a daily basis from so many: 

·     Their happy personal life

·     Their professional success

·     How easy their life is

·     How fit and sexy they are 

·     How THEY seem to be able to do it all…while we are a hot mess

You see all of this, internalize it, and then your inner thoughts are all  about what you didn’t do, don’t have, haven’t achieved, and more. 

SEEING the behaviors of others affects the perception of our own life and takes a bit of our inner peace. Constantly, if you let it. 
Second, Lets take my client “Sarah”(not her real name for privacy) who brings up a common issue for many- 

“I meet with business professionals and they don’t seem to follow up with what they say they are going to do. I have to be the one to follow up always.  If they thought I was worthy they would do what they say.”

WOW! 

That seems like a valid thought doesn’t it? 

“If I were worthy they would do what they said.”

How many times have you judged YOURSELF and your abilities based on someone NOT doing what they said they would? 

I would be willing to bet this has happened to you. This might even be the first time you have thought about it.

Is this frustrating? Yes. 

Is this real life with busy people? Yes. 

Does it really reflect your own worth? NOT AT ALL. 

So what do you do to STOP allowing the behavior of others to affect your INNER PEACE? 

I have 3 tips!

If you know anything about me you know my #1. 

1. Awareness  

Sarah’s awareness is a huge breakthrough! Being aware that she was allowing other’s behaviors (their lack of follow through) to affect her own perception of worth is HUGE. Likewise, awareness that you are internalizing others actions (success and happiness on social media) is also an important first step. 

Sarah had uncovered a huge factor in what was affecting her business self esteem. Now we know what we are working on. Without this awareness Sarah couldn’t make any changes. 

2. Think outside of yourself 

You have no idea what is happening with anyone else. What if Sarah just needs to remind those busy professionals of what they had committed to doing? Stand tall and think outside of yourself.  Do you have a lot going on in your life? EVERYONE else does also. So stop interpreting the action of someone not doing what they said as related to you and your worthiness. Its not. 

Then keep moving forward on what You need to be doing. You can only control YOU. 

Likewise on social media. Think outside of you. Be happy for other’s success, achievements, and great family vacation. They likely worked their butt off for all of it. And it has nothing to do with you and where you are. So be happy for their happy! It feels so much better. 

3. Change your own habit of your self esteem and worth coming from inside YOURSELF- not related to others.  This.Is.Life.Changing.

How you interpret other’s actions is a habit and a choice to make. 

Sarah is learning to be internally motivated which means having her Self esteem coming from within. To do this she is changing the habit of her internal thinking related to others actions. This can be the actions like what Sarah is struggling with, as well as, all that you see on social media. It is your own interpretation that is getting you! And this is a habit! How to change this habit is a topic on it’s own. However, knowing that this is related to habits that you CAN change is EMPOWERING!

So follow these 3 steps:

1.  Awareness

2.  Thinking out of yourself

3.  Change your habit

Stop letting others behavior, whether on social media, or in your personal or professional life affect your INNER PEACE.  You will find that this is a pretty happy place to be in life!